If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
