He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
