i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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