We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
