If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
