I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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