And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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