Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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