i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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