i just had sex bonerless
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
