Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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