Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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