You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
