i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
