whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
