she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
