it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
