do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
