So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
