I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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