I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
