I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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