I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
