I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
