I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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