I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
