I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize