; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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