2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
