Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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