Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
