If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can I color on your dick again?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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