I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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