ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
