am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
