The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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