I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
