As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
