I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
