fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
