I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
