Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
