I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
