So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
