just tell him i said nine months
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
