the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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