When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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