My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
