she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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