Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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