did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize