I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
