is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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