Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
