"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
