I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize