sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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