How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
