How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
40s are totally the cure
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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