It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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