The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
