She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
