so that wasnt chicken after all
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
