and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize