I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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