You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
