that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
