I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
