You're my little dorito
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
