How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
